Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
