He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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