So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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