just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
