Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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