id be glad to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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