So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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