im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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