I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
