haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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