My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
