do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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