Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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