Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He kissed a someone with a penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
