omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
