so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
