I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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