Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
