It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
