Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love you. Go after that dick
Damn victory sex feels great
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
