she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
