If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
