His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
