Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
