I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
