but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
