I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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