dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
