Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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