I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
