im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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