I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
