i just had sex bonerless
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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