Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
