having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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