These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
