I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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