If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
