I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
