btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
