I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
