Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
