Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
