you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
