Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
