Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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