I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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