How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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