Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
