I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
