you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
