Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
