Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
